We as Christians are taught from the cradle to pray to God in Jesus' name. But just what does this mean? I submit to you that we traditionally ask God for favors, ask Him to help us through difficult times, ask Him to give us this or give us that. Sounds a bit like begging, doesn't it?
Not so long ago, I approached prayer with a sense of personal unworthiness, an attitude of groveling and begging for something that I did not feel I truly deserved.
I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness and broke from that sect when I was 21 years old. Subsequently I was disfellowshipped (excommunicated), and for more than 20 years I let that lay in my heart like an anchor that prevented me from having a spiritual Church home. So when I prayed I felt like I was in a vacuum of sorts. Alone. No support, because I was alienated from most of my immediate family and the religious tenets that I grew up with.
That is not to say that ever I lost my faith - far from it. I recognize that my God and His Son Jesus have helped me through a lot of trials in my life, in spite of myself. The Holy Spirit has made me aware of Angels watching over me. Recently, however, I went through a sore crisis that I did not think I could recover from.
This is when I had my epiphany, my calling. You see - in dealing with that crisis I got to the point where I stopped praying in the (to me) traditional sense. I started having conversations with Jesus. In my perceived humiliation, I remembered His humbleness in all that He did during His short life on earth and the humiliation that He suffered without complaint. (Yes, yes He did ask if the cup might be taken from him; but it was a query between Father and Son, not a complaint!)
I remembered that when He walked this earth He did not ask for reverence, worship, or even special recognition as God's Son. He was here to teach, and to be a mediator between men and God. He had conversations with his followers and with ordinary people - and his conversations were both powerful and humble in that He always deferred to our God, His Father.
So when I stopped "my" form of "prayer" in which I felt unworthy, and started to converse with Jesus and discuss my problems with Him, the anchor was raised from my heart. He welcomed my conversations with Him because conversation is a meeting of minds, a two-way dynamic, a heart-felt sharing. Not a self-serving begging.
I then asked Jesus, now that the anchor was gone, what am I to do? How can I serve you? I feel alone. What He told me astounded me. He told me that I had already been serving Him in one of His houses for more than 10 years. Jesus said to me: "Come fully into the house that God has chosen for you to reside in. You have prepared your own way with the talents that God has given you, without any thought of personal gain. It is time now. Come, and I will help you." And so I have come fully into God's house with gladness. And Jesus is with me as I continue to converse with Him daily.
I weep as I finish this article. But my tears are of joy. I thank my Church home for embracing me as a part of this house of God, even before I was called to finally become a member. I love you all and I am grateful for the warmth you have shown me since the first day I entered this House of God.
Prayer is essential, but keep in mind that you must develop a personal conversation with Jesus so that He can help you to understand what you are actually praying for, and subsequently be the mediator in your relationship with God.
As our Pastor would tell me at this point: "The Devil is angry with you now."
I am SO glad that Satan is angry with me. Yes I can feel it but now I have the courage to say SO WHAT!! May he stay angry with me for the rest of my life!
And may Satan stay angry with you always!
Sharon L. Stone
Webmaster
North Park CME Church
